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Monday
Jan112010

Ephesians 2:14 

I lose a lot of sleep over thinking about words. I have a hard time shutting my mind off at the end of the day, making me prone to insomnia. Sometimes it's mindless...I once spent an hour trying to figure out how many 3 letter words could be rearranged to make 3 different words; like ate, tea, eat. That's just one example of the list I complied.

But aside from my obsession with unscrambling words (I probably have some sort of psychological disorder), I think a lot about definitions of powerful words. Even if I start out dreaming and pondering and dissecting and analyzing in complete sentences (I usually think like I'm writing or speaking), I find that I eventually condense my thoughts into a flow chart of words.

Risk. Courage. Vulnerability. These are the words that have been rolling around in my mind over the past few weeks. They've stayed there for an abnormally long time.

I've recently started painting. I enjoy most things creative, so I thought this would be an endeavor worth pursuing. It's definitely not my hidden talent (I think becoming a rap artist is more likely. I'm serious. If you don't believe me, ask me about "This is why I'm hot"), but I started to wonder if it would help me see communication in a different light. If it's true that words can paint pictures, I wanted to see their visual beauty.

I started with "Hope", a seemingly easy word for me to unfold on a canvas. I moved on to words like "Grace" and "Truth", and while these words have a rich depth to them, I found myself able to tell a story.

But when it comes to words like risk, courage, or vulnerability, I had blank canvases in front of me. And I found myself suddenly frustrated with the subjective nature of art. I knew there were experiences and truths inside of me that would speak to what these words mean, but my objective nature quickly dismissed all of this.

It's so much easier for me to depend on my mind rather than my heart. I fear moments when I have to live out words I can't find definitions for in my mind. I'm much more comfortable with that which I've prepared myself to understand. 

God is asking me to sacrifice an image of having everything figured out for the presence of true humility. Christ is the image of perfection...in truth, humility, grace, courage, joy...

And He himself is our peace.

Reader Comments (3)

Glad to see you back in the routine and what courage to be vulnerable enough to write these thoughts.

Jan 12, 2010 at 9:23 AM | Unregistered Commentermom

Amy, I love reading your blog. You are so transparent and I strive to be more like you in that regard. Miss you :-)

Jan 12, 2010 at 10:26 AM | Unregistered CommenterAmberly

you are a cool, cool girl.

Jan 13, 2010 at 9:26 AM | Unregistered CommenterJessica N

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